There comes a time when we wake up to the subtle ways we've given our power away. It might be a relationship, an ideology, a career, or even a teacher we've deeply trusted. At first, we may not recognize it for what it is. Our devotion to another person, belief, or idea can feel justified for our growth, and our communion with whatever it is can feel like expansion. But slowly, we may realize we have played a part in a co-dependent cycle that no longer supports our highest potential. We may realize that by placing another person, belief, or idea on a pedestal, we have diminished or dimmed our unique light. This is my story of reclaiming my power and how you can take yours back, too.
It was early 1999, and I was living in a small downstairs apartment on the property of my spiritual teacher, Joyce. Joyce was a Jungian psychologist and therapist in her late 70s, living on an acre of an organic farm and running her healing business in Salt Lake City. I was 27 years old and had spent five years learning from her - studying intuitive development, dream work, metaphysical teachings, and tending to the garden day and night. During my time there, I had profound experiences that included hundreds of past life regressions, learning to interpret dreams, guiding group vision quests, having my own healing sessions and witnessing countless ones for others, communing with nature spirits, and studying conscious communities like The Findhorn Garden in Scotland. I was learning a ton and soaking in everything I could absorb. I journaled obsessively, transcribing every session, every revelation, every insight. I was not just a student but a scribe, witness, and apprentice in spiritual awakening.
My life revolved around this world. My parents thought I was in a cult. It wasn't easy to talk about my experiences during that time - many seemed so out there that the mention of them deemed me "whoo whoo and wacko." In addition to my studies and training, I coached and ran Women's Wasatch Lacrosse, a nonprofit organization teaching leadership, teamwork, and initiative to women through lacrosse in Utah. I was juggling a lot and had begun to lose my ability to balance it all. I had cut myself off from friendships, adventure, and the physical expression I once loved. My entire sense of self had become enmeshed in my spiritual path, and for a long time, I saw nothing wrong with that.
Until one night, during a group session, my hand wrote three words in my journal that changed everything: "This is bullshit!"
I stared at the words in disbelief. Did I really just think that? Did I really just write that? For the first time, I had permitted myself to question what I was hearing. I had spent years in awe of my teacher's wisdom, absorbing her words as truth. But in that moment, my intuition—the very thing she had trained me to develop—spoke louder than my admiration. And it was telling me something wasn't right.
That quiet rebellion on the page led to deeper questioning. Over time, I started seeing the cracks—the dissonance between what was taught and what was lived. My teacher, whom I had once revered, was human, flawed, and manipulative in ways I had been blind to. I had surrendered my trust so fully that I hadn't noticed the slow erosion of my authority, discernment, and power.
The final breaking point came when I decided to leave. I had a dream that showed me it was time to go, so that next day I wrote down on a piece of paper everything I wanted to find in a new home - a spacious, safe place that had at least two bedrooms, with natural light, a garden, a fireplace, and in a convenient location. Knowing me, I'm sure there were more items on that list, but you get the gist. I folded my wish list and put it underneath my pillow. I opened the newspaper a few days later, and a rental listing jumped out at me. It seemed to have everything I sought. I made the phone call and went to look at the home. It turned out that I had found a house with everything I had written down! Was I really that powerful? Turned out, I was. The owner also happened to be from Maine and very close to where our family cabin resides. It felt like divine confirmation that I was on the right path - one synchronicity after another. But when my new landlord called Joyce for a reference, she called me on the phone and said, "If I were honest with him, you'd never get that house."
I remember it as clear as day. My body instantly began trembling. I had paid my rent on time. I had been loyal. I was a good student. I had done everything "right." And yet, in one sentence, she revealed the depth of her control.
A lightning bolt of clarity and energy struck me. "This is the last time I will ever permit you to manipulate me," I said. And I hung up the phone.
In that moment, something profound happened. It was as if I had plugged myself back into my energy source. Like a lightning bolt hit me. My body trembled, but my spirit freed. I had spent years giving my power away, believing I needed someone else to connect me to the truth. But the truth was, I had that power within me all along.
Now, I'd be lying if I gave you the impression that I've never given my power away since then. That's just not true. I've had to learn over the twenty-plus + years that have followed how to stand in my truth, honor my inner knowing, and collaborate and co-create with others while honoring each other's contribution. That has resulted in learning how to compromise while honoring my intuition, finding common ground while staying true to my truth, and saying no when things get out of balance. It's been a constant fine-tunement over the years - a dance of the nuances - to learn how to follow my own compass and support others to do the same.
The tricky thing is this - power leaks in subtle ways. You might not have had a lightning bolt moment like the one I had, which made me realize that I had innocently swung so far away from my own center. Your indication may be exhaustion, like a faucet that's not completely turned off, draining the reserves of the energy source. You don't really need to know, all you need is the awareness that its happening.
At some point, many of us unconsciously, unknowingly, and sometimes innocently give our power away. But we can always take it back. Here's how:
Reclaiming your power is an act of love. Love for yourself, love for your soul, and love for the life you are meant to live.
Sometimes, we outgrow people, teachings, beliefs, or ideas. That's okay. Your journey is yours alone. When you honor your truth, you give yourself more permission to live a life with greater empowerment, freedom, and alignment.
We are living in a time of profound awakening. Truths long buried are surfacing, and the veils of illusion are lifting. This is your invitation to listen—to the whispers of your soul, the knowing in your heart, and the power that has always been yours. Reclaim every ounce of energy, devotion, and trust you have given away. Stand in the brilliance of your light. Because the wisest teacher, guide, and healer you will ever know... is you. 🔆