I sit on my comfy chair outside on the porch. The birds sing and chirp around me calling me to tune into them instead of music. It's an overcast day with a layer of clouds above me – a metaphor for how I am feeling on this morning.
Toby, our three year old Micro Goldendoodle, sits next to me and turns his head towards the variety of sounds that surround him. My hands are a little shaky for some reason – not sure if it is the coffee I drank this morning, energy moving through me, or adrenaline surging. Intellectually, I know coffee is not the best for me and counters the lowering of cortisol that I actually need, but I override that knowledge with the urge to comfort myself with the morning ritual. At least I've cut down on the sugar intake a bit with a small change from using oat milk to home-made almond milk.
My head feels busy and the body feels tired and a little out of sorts. I can feel the energies shifting with the full moon lunar eclipse in Scorpio that just passed this past weekend. The energy lingers and combines with Mercury Retrograde, which always seems to fuck with technology working, communication, and my body's sensitivity. I can feel myself teeter-tot between my natural positive mindset state to an irritated and overwhelmed one. Balancing work, personal, and family to do's feels daunting if I allow it to be.
But, I know better. Sometimes, I just have to be my own coach – actually, all the time. There are days where it comes so easy and natural, and others, like this one, where it feels like more of a concentrated effort to focus on what's working rather than what's not. It's such a practice.
As I look around my yard, I choose to focus on the beauty that surrounds. I see the green grass in vibrant growth and the hints of yellow from blossoming flowers adding color and sunshine in the buds and leaves. I see my Buddha that watches over our house and pond, sitting quietly with her eyes closed giving me the nudge to be still.
Our new dedicated morning writing hour feels helpful and freeing. The intent is to make the the time for what wants to emerge and get in a daily habit as Jeff and I prepare to write our first book this summer. As I say to the girls when I coach lacrosse, "you play how you practice." I can hear these words guiding me today to consciously choose into how I practice as much as when I practice.
Choosing to sit down and write, no matter what comes out, seems like a good first step.